Strange Sacrament Meetings

My brother sent me this link today for a laugh: http://www.mormonmommywars.com/?p=659 and after reading the blog and about half the responses I was laughing pretty hard and wanted to write my own blog about this topic. You really ought to click on the link and read the blog. It's hilarious! If you don't, I'll just say that the blogger had paid a visit to a strange ward in Arizona while she was scoping out houses and noticed a couple near her who couldn't stop kissing. In the hour and ten minutes of sacrament meeting the couple had kissed fourty-one times and the speaker was talking about "How to be a man" which was not only completely bizarre for a gospel subject but inappropriate for the congregation which was loaded with women. Those who read this blog also responded with similar stories of the bizarre and inappropriate moments they experienced. Here are a few of mine that make me laugh. Feel free to share your stories.

In one area of Colorado there was a lesson given on the "Word of Wisdom" which sums up as just eating right and not eating things that are addictive or harmful to your bodies. The teacher interpreted one scripture differently. Where it says, "...eat meat sparingly; only in time of winter or famine..." he was teaching that it meant to eat meat sparingly only in times of winter or famine. So all the rest of the year you don't need to eat meat sparingly. This was a big cattle industry area so the ranchers were all very happy to hear the promotion of gorging yourselves on their beef. I had to raise my hand and point out that there's a semi-colon there...and that eating meat at all was something that really should only be done in times of winter or famine...but that it was provided for our use and that we should be extremely thankful for meat. But the whole idea is to eat healthily and partake of grains and fruits/veggies a LOT more. Meat was to be rarely eaten. The speaker honestly had NEVER thought of it that way. I was shocked! How can you actually stand up there and teach that meat should only be eaten sparingly in times of winter or famine? Winter is one of the few times that you really might need the meat. I know famine would be a good time to eat meat if you had access to it. Why would it make sense to abstain from meat in times of winter and famine? What a ridiculous idea!

Another interesting moment was during a fast and testimony meeting (go figure) in a single adult branch in Florida. One girl got up and talked about some things she was thankful for but the testimony quickly went awry when she began talking about how much she hated her mother and then referred to her mother as a back-stabbing, conniving, two-faced witch who didn't deserve to live...and on and on. It was so uncomfortable. What do you do? Everyone's eyes were large and I think even a few people were shaking their heads as if to say, "No...stop talking now! This isn't something you need to air to everyone! It's not a vent-a-mony." I also met a girl in that same ward who made it a habit of keeping a list of how many times people scratched their noses, touched their hair, coughed, and sneezed. Wow. Way to listen to the talks, chick-a-loo. Of course...if the talk is going like the vent-a-mony maybe it's a good way to tune out and pass the time until the spirit returns and you are again listening to something spiritually inspiring.

Back to Colorado I attended this really great discussion on Christ and all the things he was: A leader, father, brother, best friend, etc. All of the comments were really great until one lady stood up and declared very authoritatively, "Well one thing we know is that he was a poligamist! Just look at his relationship with Martha and Mary!" She tried to defend her comment by bringing up Judaic law and how men wouldn't ordinarily spend time with two women in their homes that way unless they were married to them...blah, blah, blah. The whole room erupted and everyone was up in arms. WHOA!!!! Someone get this lady to quit supposing things, sit down, and shut up so the speaker can get us back on track to gospel principles! Yipes! Where did THAT come from? Show me where it says THAT anywhere in the Bible! It was a little scary/uncomfortable for a few minutes but the teacher saved the day with a quick "thanks for your comment...and interesting idea...but let's focus on what we KNOW. Christ died on the cross and suffered for our sins..." etc. Whew! You can find wierdo comments anywhere you go in any religion and any place in the world. It's always funny...after the fact. I've had a few "funny in the moment" comments too but did a good job at not going into giggle fits publicly.

One more story: In a neigboring ward the lesson was on King David and Bathsheba...and how David was such a great guy but made such a horrible choice in life by lusting after Bathsheba and having her husband sent to his death so he could claim her as his own. Then this very old man raises his hand and says, "Should we really be so hard on David though? I mean, men are just hard-wired that way. What was that woman doing bathing in public anyhow? Seems to me she was the wrong-doer there. If she had just kept herself clothed or stayed indoors to bathe none of that would have happened. And besides...her husband wasn't "murdered" per-se...he was killed in combat. That wasn't David's fault either." I blinked and in my head I was screaming, "I can't believe what I'm hearing!!! Are you saying it's all her fault? What the heck?! So it's all the victim's fault? Good one." Where do people come from? I wonder sometimes if the comments that are made are strictly to strike up a controversy or if they actually believe the bizarreness they spew forth?